Tuesday. Right?

I would love to post something if I could remember what day it is. We are now calling our circumstance the "New Crazy". On any given day I can't remember what the date is or day of the week and I'm likely to call someone the wrong name. I know Sunday because everyone is in a mad dash to get ready for church. Monday is easy because of Sunday and Joey and Josh have to go to school and catch the bus. Tuesday through Thursday are fuzzy at best. Friday the boys are out of school, but Saturday feels a lot like Friday.

We now resort to the sniff test for clean clothes and the washing machine doesn't seem to stop. I would love to use my clothes line because believe it or not I actually like hanging my clothes, it's like a link to time gone by as I hang my clothes and watch the chickens peck at the ground. But who has time to hang the wash and make homemade tortillas? (I used to.) Our priorities are clean clothes, food and can I see the bottom of the kitchen sink. I have completely given up on the garden and if there is anything growing in it hopefully it will reseed and next year I won't have to replant anything!

God is good and His mercies are new every morning! I praying for a double helping tomorrow!!!!

My new wheels!

12 passanger

2006

Ford

E 350.

The silver bullet fits in the garage and who could ask for anything more.

Psalm 55 fits perfectly.

I'm not going to type it all out because it's 23 verses and once people see a long post they usually skip it. But I encourage you to go right now and get your bibles out and read it for yourselves if you want to know what it's like to take in three new boys (one being 2months old), homeschooling my three current children and balancing the creation of a new family while everyone watches you with a magnifying glass.

I read Psalms 55 today. It was not on my reading schedule because I'm actually in 1 Peter. But when you are at the end of your rope and you thirst for encouragement go to Psalms. Flipping through the pages I ran across my underlining of vs. 22, "Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved." So I went back to the beginning of 55 and read the whole thing. Wow. I am there, in that Psalm, living through it! Are you encouraged to read it yet?

You may not be where I am emotionally and this Psalm doesn't mean anything to you, but then again maybe it will. God's word always speaks to us where and when we need it and when we receive it He lifts us up. May God be glorified even in my failings.

Love,

Jessica

The Lord Opens and Closes What He Wishs

Jesse and I found out some heart breaking news the other day. Unknown and unthought of by us our Rwandan adoption agency has a policy that if you are seeking a domestic adoption they ask that you pull your application from seeking an international adoption. Through their experience and wisdom they believe you need a year to bond with the current children before you bring in international children. Now, I see the wisdom in that and I believe they are seeking what's best for the children, but it breaks my heart all the same.

After speaking to someone from the agency she expressed that we could call back in 6 months to see how we were doing with our domestic adoption. If we are close to finalizing our adoption with the three boys then we might be able to update a few documents and resubmit our dossier to Rwanda when the adoption is complete.

I can live with this answer. We don't have to throw it all away or start all over again. Some of the fees can be credited to us in the future and some of the documents can be updated for free. Again, man plans his way, but God directs our steps. I see God working in ever detail of this whole situation and am so thankful for His protective hand. Not only do we get to adopt these three brothers, but now we have more time before we have to go to Rwanda, Lord willing!

My heart breaks for these children in Rwanda who we have prayed for for over a year, but they are in God's hands and if they are supposed to be here then He will see it through. Just think, if we had known about this policy we would not have taken the boys and would have missed out on this wonderful blessing. I can rest in the fact that God knows all things and is in control of our lives for His glory.

Love, Jessica

Eating Out

Well, that was an adventure last night. We took the boys with us to dinner at a restaurant in Reno. We tried to find a noisy place that wouldn't stress us out in trying to keep the kids quiet. We wanted to find a place that had things for the kids to do at the table. We wanted good food. Texas Roadhouse won Jesse's vote and since he's the daddy his vote wins.

I wish I had brought my camera. You should have seen all the eyes glued to us as we herded five children and a baby through the aisles to the back of the restaurant. Jesse and I sat across from each other while all the kids were stuffed in between us and the wall. There were peanuts for the kids to shell and eat and pages to color. So with all 8 of us nestled in at our table waiter after waiter came to ask us if they were all ours.

This is a new question for me and at first I hesitated as Joey was looking and listening to our conversation. My new answer, "They soon all will be." I can't tell you how much joy it brings Jesse and I to have all these gifts together. Sure dinner was busy and tiring as the baby didn't want to be put down and Josh kept telling everyone who went by our table that he wanted a hot dog and applesauce. I ate my pulled pork over Nate's head without spilling any on him and that was a miracle. One waiter even asked if Isabelle and Joey, who are 7 months apart, were twins!

God is good to us and faithful to those who seek Him. Yesterday was the first day that the reserved Joey called me Mom. My heart melted and I knew God was working in his heart also.

Praise God for His many mercies, and to Him be the glory forever.

Love, Jessica

Battling With an Old Friend

I had a visit today from my arch enemy : Doubt. He reared his ugly head as I was resting comfortable with baby Nathaniel laying on my chest.

"What if you can't handle this?" he said. It was one simple question that ran through my brain gaining speed and trying to take root. It was a question that I haven't entertained very much in the last month because I already know what the answer is and don't need to rehash it.

I can sit here and type how I know that God is in control of all things. That He never leaves or forsakes us. He is all knowing and all powerful. He sounds pretty awesome doesn't He. But sometimes He needs to remind me that I am none of those things. I will feel inadequate, lost, overwhelmed, alone, incompetent, and at times like an all around failure, but God. And that is my answer to it all. But GOD. If Christ is not seen in all that Jesse and I do then the viewer is blind.

Doubt. My enemy. Christ died for that too! I am forgiven and for that I have the power to lay doubt to rest and leave the details to God.

I was pondering how at the end of May I had the whole summer planned out to a T. Then one phone call changed my summer and life forever. I can try and plan my days, but the Lord directs my steps. Will I submit myself the the changes joyfully? Will you?

LOVE, Jessica

The Lord grows us as He wishes.

How do you tell people that you are trying to adopt 5 children in a nine month time frame? I get so excited when I tell people because God has already worked in my heart, but I get very nervous for the hearer because they are so very nervous for us. Please don't be! I serve a mighty God who works ALL things together for His glory.

Three weeks ago I received a call from the state wondering if we would be interested in adopting three brothers who need a permanent home. At first I was very reluctant, but Jesse was overjoyed. It took two weeks for the Lord to show me that I need fear nothing because this is for His glory not mine. When I got the call the other day informing us that we were chosen to take these boys I was thrilled beyond speech. God chose us to take care of these little boys, what a privilege.

I don't feel worthy or competent in my mothering skills, but I am competent in the God I serve to never leave me or forsake me. This adventure that we are now on has nothing to do with us as individuals and everything to do with God and His name being proclaimed in our lives. I could not comprehend raising 8 (yes I said EIGHT) children without Jesus as my savior and Lord.

So, to answer the question, yes we are still seeking to adopt from Rwanda. We love that country and the people in it. I love the orphanage and the children in it. God would have to close that door, but if He did then I would be content because it's His door to close. I don't know what the future holds in detail, but I pray it's spent seeking Him first and serving Him all the days of my life.

Love, Jessica
P.S. I'm going to need a passenger van. To think I went from a red, convertible Cavalier to a 12 seat passenger van in 13 years is mind boggling.

What Does the Lord Require of Me?

I have been thinking a lot lately about what the Lord requires of me and I think that Deuteronomy 10: 12-13 lays it out pretty clear.

"And now Israel what does the Lord your God require of you, but the fear the Lord your God," I understand this one and can truthfully say I know and understand that God rules and reigns in my life and that my life was given to me to love and obey Him. I want to glorify Christ in my life.

"to walk in all His ways..." He left us His holy word to follow and live by. I love reading the Bible and learning new insights about my life in Christ. It easy to set up a list of does and don't from the Bible to live by, don't lie, do love others. (All lists aren't bad.) Maybe instead of list I should say foundation. We have a foundation through scripture to live by.

"to love Him..." Oh this must be the easiest one. When you understand and see all that He has done for us how can you not love Him. He suffered and died so that my ugly offensive sins can be cancelled out and forgiven. He extends grace to all mankind by allowing us to live in this beautiful world that He has created and hasn't struck everyone dead for their hideous sins. He seeks to do good for US. What's not to love.

"to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul." Now this is the tricky one. We all want to turn that service into something beneficial to us. I think the second part of that sentence refers to doing the service with joy and submission. How can you get away from "with all your heart and all your soul." That means every bit of me has to be on board with whatever the Lord asks from my life. He gave me this life, but not so that I can whittle out of it my own glory in worldly accomplishments. He gave me this life to do His work and live for Him.

"and to keep the commandments and statues of the Lord which I am commanding you today for your good." Pretty self explanatory. Keep Gods word because it's for our sake.

I know this is long and I usually don't like writing a book for a post, but I had to get this off my chest. We like to put God in our little boxes and conform Him to our lives, but He won't allow it and if your heart is truly open to loving Him and being used by Him then stand back and watch the miracles take place.

Jessica

Mother's Day

Really it's just another day. I do appreciate all that my family does for me on this day and who doesn't love the attention, but it is just another day and I hope my attitude brings glory to God today.

I can't help but feel that we are missing something, or should I say two someones. My family is not complete and I pray for those 2 children that are motherless today. That they have one and they don't even know it yet drives me crazy. Next year on this day I will be singing the praises of the Lord as I get to celebrate our family of 7.

May God be glorifies in us as we care for all the little treasures He gives us. There are 130 more kids at the orphanage in Rwanda, anyone want to go with us and love these little ones?

Month One

One month down, ? to go. I can't do a count down until we receive a referral from Rwanda so I will do a count up! I have to celebrate something because it is such a long eventless wait at this point.

I have been itching to write and yet felt like there was nothing to say. I love to write and have enjoyed this blog very much, but if there is nothing to say why force the round peg in the square hole.

This last month has flown by with life. Softball, baseball, home schooling, weeds, husbands schedule change, home schooling and then there is the always time consuming schooling at home! Did I mention that already?

I long for my children in Rwanda, and may the next 6-8 months go by just as fast as the last month.

Jessica