January Blues

I used to get the January blues pretty bad. Once Melanie's birthday was over, on the 17th, until Valentines Day was a very depressing time of the year for me. Some of the darkest times in my life have been brought on by the doldrums of mid-winter. The times when you question your walk, mothering capabilities, direction in life and come up short of expectations and hopes. Those times that as much as I would like to forget about, God brought me through for a reason. Possibly those times were learning grounds of faith or courses in strength and perseverance.

Maybe it was the let down from the sugar rush of the holidays, but enough to say that in years past I dreaded the end of January... until now.

I forgot that it even was the end of January. I will take this as a plus for the encouragement of having a large family. You are so busy racing back and forth through your house and town that you can't keep the days straight. There is no more time for January blues. Now the month, like all the others, are a rush of color.

I think I started to get the blues yesterday, but these darn kids wouldn't leave me alone long enough for me to have a proper pity party. And even if they did I wouldn't remember why I was pitying myself anyway. Oh well, there is always next year!

Normalcy

I think I am loosing my mind. But maybe that is God's plan. If I loose my marbles then I might stop trying to control God and let Him work through me. I have continued to wait for it to lighten up and get easier around here. Silly me, I know. I have waited for my kids to fall in love with the boys and embrace them with open arms. I am delusional at best. I have looked forward to the day when I wake up and feel unconditional love for Josh and Joey. (Heavy sigh inserted here.)

Homeschooling is hard.

Taking in three brothers to adopt is harder.

Listening to God speak through all the chaos is hardest.

Loving those I live with like Christ loves me is impossible.

Good thing I'm not in this alone, but am surrounded by loving friends and family who serve in our lives selflessly and the grace of God that has become my very breath and sanity.

I'm just really thankful I didn't make anyone cry today! It must have been a good day, mostly!