Denied.

A simple word carries with it the weight of the world. My heart breaks for the thing that is not to be. On Tuesday our international adoption agency called to tell us the Rwandan government has reviewed our papers again and have denied us after accepting us 2 months ago and referring a child to us. What does one say after being denied. I hate that word because for me it's personal. It would be one thing if the country just said no, but not that long ago they said yes and we were inches from getting a picture and info on this little boy. I feel a lose and it goes deep.

I have learned, loved and wept for this country for 2 years now. Rwanda is a household word in our family and my children have been saving up pennies, nickles, dimes, and quarters for the orphans at the Home of Hope in Kigali, Rwanda. We could almost taste the African air, but even though it all doesn't make sense I have the hope that keeps me breathing that I serve a Mighty God. He has a plan. He is in control. He loves me. Proverbs 16:9 continues to replay in my head over and over. "The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." Jesse and I ventured to follow where ever God led us and back again.

The world may deny us and see what our hearts yearn for as foolish, but God loved us enough to send His own beloved Son to take on the wrath that we deserve so that we may be adopted into God's family and be called sons of God. Adoption is a beautiful process full of hard work with a little extra hard work on the side.

So we move on... hopefully Joey, Josh and Nate will legally be ours in a couple of months and then we just keep plugging on. I rest in knowing I will never be denied by my Lord and Savior, Jesus.