Embracing the Chaos

I dream about the day when we have all settled into our life together and behave like one big happy family.

Ha!

I know better now that that's not how life works. It's not how God works. He continually challenges us with new trials and tests to grow us more dependent on Him.

But, foolishly I still expect this harmony! I get so discouraged when my kids come home and tell me they got in trouble in school today. EveryDAY! For some reason because I told them to behave I expect it from them with no mercy for their failures. I have made peace my idol.

I know that the only way I will be able to love my family more is to love Christ more. Sadly, I love myself way too much and all these children just keep getting in the way of my perfect dream, peace.

Thankfully God doesn't see us that way. We are not ruining His perfect peace. He loves us with a selfless, enduring, perfect love. May my heart grow more and more dependent on Christ.

Less of me more of Him.

Floating

Do you ever feel like your floating above the surface, caught in between two places? I have been home schooling for three and a half years and now it is no more. I can't quite get a grasp on my new reality just yet. I still hurry around the house trying to get everything done quickly because that was what I was used to. I have forgotten how to enjoy a day. I have Nate home with me now and I have to relearn how to sit down and play with him. I have so many things jarbled in my head that I have a hard time thinking straight.

But now is the time to relearn them. I want to learn how to have complete thought again. I want to be able to leave my room and go to the kitchen and remember why I was in there. I don't want to race around anymore. I want to enjoy God in the big things of my life and the little things of the day. I just pray that the way in which I choose to use my day brings glory to Him, even as a housewife.

2012 What a new beginning

I know that many times the beginning of the year poses new prospects and new ventures, but this year is bitter sweet for me. We have passed out of the home school circle and into the public school domain. This has not been an easy disicion for us nor has it been a rash move. This is a change for our family that effects the whole family.

I loved home schooling. I loved having my kids around. I loved the freedom to do as we wished when we wished. But as time went by and they grew older life together and schoolwork got harder. Our adoption is finalized and we are so happy to have that over. Now I want to focus on taking care of my family with a happy heart. I haven't been doing that for a while and it grieves me to say that I have not been a good steward with my children's hearts.

I don't know what next year will look like. Maybe I will work with one or two of the other kids or maybe they will all stay where they are at. I do know that I serve a gracious God who loves me and takes care of me even when I push myself to far. He is more interested in my love for Him and how I portrait Christ to my children, than in how many A's my kids can achieve.