Gifts from God

I have to confess that I feel rather pampered right now. I want this feeling to last for the next 4 months while we finish our schooling, but experience tells me this feeling of joy and relaxation will last until Monday at 9 ( for that is when we start up school again and when my patience will run low).

I love vacations and especially the ones where you don't do anything. I can handle a day of sitting in my pj's reading a book and telling the kids to find something to eat, but after one day like that I need to feel like I have accomplished something.

I have always struggled with truly enjoying vacations because a little of me has felt guilt over the privilege of the get away while millions of people are starving in the world. Part of me thinks the money and time could have been better spent than on my leisure. BUT, that is not what God says, "He makes me lie down in green pastures: He leads me beside quiet waters: He restores my soul." Psalms 23:2-3a

God has restored my soul. Vacations remind me of the great and infinite God I serve. All good things are from Him and ought to be praised. So I take this time to publicly praise God for such a time as this. But what kind of servant would I be if I praised the good without thanking the difficult, hard, tiresome times as well for they all bring us closer to the One we love, Jesus!

I know there are difficult times ahead, I'm a mother of three soon to be mother of five, two of which won't look anything like me or speak my language, at first. But love is a verb not a passing emotion. God loved me when I didn't deserve it and I will love these children from Rwanda because He gave them to me.

So this vacation is nice for now, but my joy is found in Christ and so I can feel rested in Him even in the darkest times of my failure when there is no sunny beach around. To God be the glory forever!

Doubt

One of the biggest hurdles of adopting or home-schooling, which happens to be my sphere right now, is doubt. It's ugly, mean and sinful. I hate it and it wants me to hate it because then I am engaged in a battle with it. It sucks all the energy and joy out of the blessing that God has given me.

Children are a blessing, but doubt steals the joy with thoughts of inadequacy. I battle with thinking that I am not a good enough mother or teacher. I know these may seem irrational to some, and they are, but Satan still is a really good deceiver. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" Phil. 4:13.

Taking care of orphans is good and honorable to God, but doubt steals the joy with thoughts of incapability. Am I capable of taking care of my own children? I always fear that answer. Will I be sane enough to teach, train and love 5 children when it is so difficult some days to do 3. "When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. In God whose word I praise, in God I trust, I shall not be afraid, what can flesh do to me." Psalms 56:3-4

Training up my children at home is one way of being a good steward, but doubt leads me to expect too much of myself and my children. Can I teach my children to be diligent and loving when I am frustrated with then? Every morning I know there is a wonderful opportunity of great learning and maturity and yet the first little squabble sets me on edge toward failure. "The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God." James 1:20

All I can say is that I serve a great and mighty God. Because if all of this was left on my shoulders I would have bailed long ago. He gives me hope, He teaches me patience, He loves me ...

Valentines's Day

I can't believe that 14 years ago today Jesse asked me out on our first date. He showed up to my work at UNR with flowers and some chocolates. I was so embarrassed. I always thought V-day was cheesy and made fun of other people who participated in it.

Thank you Jesse, who is my best friend, my confidant, my protector, my love! The next 14 years will be quite an exciting adventure together.

LOVE, Jessica

Home-schooling

While the word may strike fear into some, others are filled with a joy and hope for their children's future. I'm not quite sure where I'm at yet.
Truth #1: I know God placed this adventure on our hearts and my husband and I totally agree about it.
Truth #2: God does not make mistakes.
Truth #3: My children are learning despite my fears and inadequacy.
Truth #4: God does not make mistakes.
Truth #5: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Truth #6: God does not make mistakes.
Truth #7: Through this process God is molding everyone in this house, you don't get to be selfish when surrounded by the same people all day long.
Truth #8: I make lots of mistakes, but God doesn't.
Truth #9: We are learning to rely on God's grace more and more and ourselves less and less.
TRUTH #10: Our children are little mirrors of the areas in our own life that need to be refined by God and they show us the sin of selfishness in our own hearts.

All this to say that I love home-schooling, but there are days I can actually feel my hair graying on the spot. Before I home-schooled I had a lot of time to think about myself and what I wanted and now God is teaching me to think of others and breaking my stubborn, strong-willed spirit.

May God be glorified in all things, even in my lame ramblings.