One of the biggest hurdles of adopting or home-schooling, which happens to be my sphere right now, is doubt. It's ugly, mean and sinful. I hate it and it wants me to hate it because then I am engaged in a battle with it. It sucks all the energy and joy out of the blessing that God has given me.
Children are a blessing, but doubt steals the joy with thoughts of inadequacy. I battle with thinking that I am not a good enough mother or teacher. I know these may seem irrational to some, and they are, but Satan still is a really good deceiver. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" Phil. 4:13.
Taking care of orphans is good and honorable to God, but doubt steals the joy with thoughts of incapability. Am I capable of taking care of my own children? I always fear that answer. Will I be sane enough to teach, train and love 5 children when it is so difficult some days to do 3. "When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. In God whose word I praise, in God I trust, I shall not be afraid, what can flesh do to me." Psalms 56:3-4
Training up my children at home is one way of being a good steward, but doubt leads me to expect too much of myself and my children. Can I teach my children to be diligent and loving when I am frustrated with then? Every morning I know there is a wonderful opportunity of great learning and maturity and yet the first little squabble sets me on edge toward failure. "The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God." James 1:20
All I can say is that I serve a great and mighty God. Because if all of this was left on my shoulders I would have bailed long ago. He gives me hope, He teaches me patience, He loves me ...
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
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I'm adopting from Rwanda too (I haven't taken the time to figure out a blog yet) and fear is what had been creeping into my brain. I would be equally frustrated with myself feeling like I wasn't trusting God. I kept thinking about the finances of another child(ren). I know God will take care of me (like the birds and flowers and many other verses) but would I be scraping by on the mercy of others. Which is silly, but that's where my mind tends to go because I'm a stay at home mom and don't work. Then God did a wonderful thing for me as I kept praying about it. He not only blessed me many times over financailly but he reminded me of my life verse "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." It reminded me that no matter what my circumstances if I stay in loving relationship with Jesus my heart will be ok... and isn't that what matters. So let's delight in Christ and let our hearts be full.
ReplyDeleteThank you Tristen for your wonderful words of encouragement. It always amazes me who reads this and I'm thankful for this tool to encourage each other to love and good deeds! We live in Nevada, neighbor.
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