To the Responders

I just wanted to let those who respond know that when you do I pray for you. I don't write or share for the responses, but they are an encouragement to me. Sometimes you wonder if anyone is out there and I've come to confidently believe that whoever reads these posts was meant to read them. If it's only two people then I know God wanted those two people to be apart of this. I do tend to share what is on my heart, but believe me when I say there is much thought and prayer that goes into this blog. I do not type randomly and if there is nothing to say then I don't want to waste your or my time.

So, I have started to pray for those bold people who comment or leave their mark in some way on my blog or facebook page. I do thank you and pray that my words would encourage others to consider what the Lord is calling them to do in His name.

Why I can sleep at night.

I love to sleep. It's peace. I enjoy this kind of peace. When I'm stressed and overly anxious then sleep becomes my enemy, always escaping me. And what is more stressful then knowing you have two children in a foreign country in less than optimal care waiting to come home to you to be fed and loved? I may not know them yet, but they are going to be our family. They don't know it yet, but they have a home with food and siblings and a mom and dad to tuck them in every night.

So how can I possibly sleep for the next 7 months waiting for them?

By simply asking myself, "Who am I?" What makes me so special at this moment in the grand scheme of time? I am just a speck. My life is of no significance. Think of all the millions of people throughout God's time line and then there is me in 2010. I'm not the first to adopt, nor the last. I am just one of God's building blocks that He uses to glorify His name. He called us to do this thing and it will be on God to see it through.

So this is how I sleep at night. Because those children, who are not with us yet, are in His hands. I am not their savior, only Christ can do that. Even if for some crazy reason God closed all the doors and we weren't allowed to adopt these children the world would not end. I do love these children and long for them to be in our home, but I long to lift up the name of Jesus and show His love more. I am not out to save the world from starvation, I only want to be faithful to what God lays on my heart. If we are blessed enough to receive these dear ones then great, but if not then I will follow Christ in what ever direction He leads us to serve Him. In the end it's always about Christ no matter what!

Moving Along

By Gods grace things are moving along. I found out today that our dossier is in order and has already been sent to the Rwandan Embassy in Washington D.C. I was very excited to hear this and to see things moving along.

Now here's my question:

If the process of adoption and bringing someone into our home to accept and nurture is all that God wants of us then why are there so many hurdles and why does it take so long?

If God was ultimately just concerned with orphans in Christian homes then the process would take 1 day? Right! But we spend months and years waiting for these children to come home. Then there are the speed bumps and road blocks that you experience along the way. Missing papers and inadequate information seem to be the norm and expected when adopting children. Thousands of dollars add up from processing fees to airplane tickets.

So why all the difficulty?

I believe that the Almighty God of the Universe is more glorified with our submissive, content, patient hearts then the actual service that we render. Please don't hear me wrong, adoption or any other work we do to serve others in Christ's name is honorable and worthy, but those things can become worthless if our hearts are not completely submissive to God. We try and take God's glory when we push our own agenda and then we end up serving ourselves, not God. Our adoption of two children from Africa is not going to be easy or quick (or cheap), but Jesse and I both want our Lord to work through us to glorify His Name. So I can wait another 7-9 months before our dear children come home to us because they are already (and have always been) in the Lord's hands and His timing is ALWAYS perfect. May God be glorified in your day today.

Love, Jessica

Enjoying our time before the storm!?

I've had some very well meaning people mention how I should enjoy this time before we receive our children from Rwanda. Last Thursday we Fed-Ex our dossier to our adoption agency and the ball is now out of our court. So now we just wait, could be six months before we hear anything (I'm being optimistic) or more likely seven to nine months before we even get a picture of who our kids are.

So, back to the enjoying my time. It didn't hit me right away why that concept rubbed me the wrong way so much. People are trying to be kind and I know it's their only way to offer comfort for such a lengthy process, but honestly, if I really just wanted to enjoy my free time I never would have wanted to adopt in the first place. I never would have wanted kids if free time was so important to me. Children are a gift from the Lord, but they are a sacrifice also. Your time is not your own and truthfully was it ever really yours.

I've noticed in my own sinful heart that the more free time I have to indulge my wants the more free time I want. Breaks are nice and restfulness is sweet, but if I have too much "me" time I become more selfish. When time is short it forces me to be more focused and do the things that matter. I don't want to sit around for the next 9 months and wear out my laptop from checking on emails. I just want to get started on this next chapter of our lives. But for now I want to stay diligent and serve God in whatever opportunity He brings our way. 9 months can pass quickly especially when your busy.

Joy over paper

It amazes me how I can be so joyful over a piece of paper. Today we received our USCIS (homeland security office) approval to bring two children into this country. They have reviewed our home study and application and have deemed us worthy of taking care of 2 orphans. That plain dull piece of paper has been the reason I have stalked the mailbox everyday for weeks.

I'm so excited my fingers are shaking as I type. Now we need to go to Carson City to have it notarized and certified before I can send it off to our adoption agency, America World. Once they receive and review all our paperwork they send it to the Rwandan Embassy in Washington D.C. for them to review it.

This is a big step and the signal that our end of the deal with compiling all the appropriate paper work is over. I could sing right now, but my kids think I'm crazy when I sing throughout the house, except for Isabelle she loves to sing off key also.

Praise God, this is the best birthday present.